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Literature Text
As babies, we could name all the stars
We could hear the flames of hell
And spy the mountains of Mars
But then comes an angel to kiss us gentle
Our omnipotence it then dismantled
Stringing me up head to toe
You were the angel who took away all I know
Never to wither, never to die
In the name of purity, you will lie
Cold seraphim, heart black as coal
What use does an angel have for a soul?
![[COM] Snow Leopard Goo TF](https://images-wixmp-ed30a86b8c4ca887773594c2.wixmp.com/f/30aa7645-7966-4082-b4b4-6f81206e14ab/de4hms1-8924d491-378b-401d-ab22-5932e8c08e10.png/v1/crop/w_184,h_184,x_0,y_18,scl_0.17196261682243,q_70,strp/_com__snow_leopard_goo_tf_by_hypnosiswolf_de4hms1-92s-2x.jpg?token=eyJ0eXAiOiJKV1QiLCJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiJ9.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.6onlqrr1c-Y44Vf5oWQknUyFBgFc2KORnU8YDsmtKVg)
![[COM] Snow Leopard Goo TF](https://images-wixmp-ed30a86b8c4ca887773594c2.wixmp.com/f/30aa7645-7966-4082-b4b4-6f81206e14ab/de4hms1-8924d491-378b-401d-ab22-5932e8c08e10.png/v1/crop/w_92,h_92,x_0,y_9,scl_0.085981308411215,q_70,strp/_com__snow_leopard_goo_tf_by_hypnosiswolf_de4hms1-92s.jpg?token=eyJ0eXAiOiJKV1QiLCJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiJ9.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.6onlqrr1c-Y44Vf5oWQknUyFBgFc2KORnU8YDsmtKVg)
![Puppets [Villanious Comic]](https://images-wixmp-ed30a86b8c4ca887773594c2.wixmp.com/f/480bc9e0-f6ca-442e-aa7a-6a17752aa6a0/dbbvqss-b34c04a3-7625-445e-b6aa-0425df73b4ef.jpg/v1/crop/w_184,h_184,x_0,y_184,scl_0.092,q_70,strp/puppets__villanious_comic__by_quillwithnochill_dbbvqss-92s-2x.jpg?token=eyJ0eXAiOiJKV1QiLCJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiJ9.eyJzdWIiOiJ1cm46YXBwOjdlMGQxODg5ODIyNjQzNzNhNWYwZDQxNWVhMGQyNmUwIiwiaXNzIjoidXJuOmFwcDo3ZTBkMTg4OTgyMjY0MzczYTVmMGQ0MTVlYTBkMjZlMCIsIm9iaiI6W1t7ImhlaWdodCI6Ijw9NTEyMCIsInBhdGgiOiJcL2ZcLzQ4MGJjOWUwLWY2Y2EtNDQyZS1hYTdhLTZhMTc3NTJhYTZhMFwvZGJidnFzcy1iMzRjMDRhMy03NjI1LTQ0NWUtYjZhYS0wNDI1ZGY3M2I0ZWYuanBnIiwid2lkdGgiOiI8PTEwMjQifV1dLCJhdWQiOlsidXJuOnNlcnZpY2U6aW1hZ2Uub3BlcmF0aW9ucyJdfQ.MoiN0IQH3koSAF7Mc36MdQlCt9B8u4wpxH9IMpxglM0)
![Puppets [Villanious Comic]](https://images-wixmp-ed30a86b8c4ca887773594c2.wixmp.com/f/480bc9e0-f6ca-442e-aa7a-6a17752aa6a0/dbbvqss-b34c04a3-7625-445e-b6aa-0425df73b4ef.jpg/v1/crop/w_92,h_92,x_0,y_92,scl_0.046,q_70,strp/puppets__villanious_comic__by_quillwithnochill_dbbvqss-92s.jpg?token=eyJ0eXAiOiJKV1QiLCJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiJ9.eyJzdWIiOiJ1cm46YXBwOjdlMGQxODg5ODIyNjQzNzNhNWYwZDQxNWVhMGQyNmUwIiwiaXNzIjoidXJuOmFwcDo3ZTBkMTg4OTgyMjY0MzczYTVmMGQ0MTVlYTBkMjZlMCIsIm9iaiI6W1t7ImhlaWdodCI6Ijw9NTEyMCIsInBhdGgiOiJcL2ZcLzQ4MGJjOWUwLWY2Y2EtNDQyZS1hYTdhLTZhMTc3NTJhYTZhMFwvZGJidnFzcy1iMzRjMDRhMy03NjI1LTQ0NWUtYjZhYS0wNDI1ZGY3M2I0ZWYuanBnIiwid2lkdGgiOiI8PTEwMjQifV1dLCJhdWQiOlsidXJuOnNlcnZpY2U6aW1hZ2Uub3BlcmF0aW9ucyJdfQ.MoiN0IQH3koSAF7Mc36MdQlCt9B8u4wpxH9IMpxglM0)
![[Villainous] Lick neck](https://images-wixmp-ed30a86b8c4ca887773594c2.wixmp.com/f/0cadd68f-c5cf-4ea3-a965-20addfa3b33f/dbb5gwc-36919b80-0066-4228-a1e7-b54b511b0c32.png/v1/crop/w_184,h_184,x_0,y_2,scl_0.184,q_70,strp/_villainous__lick_neck_by_owosesameowo_dbb5gwc-92s-2x.jpg?token=eyJ0eXAiOiJKV1QiLCJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiJ9.eyJzdWIiOiJ1cm46YXBwOjdlMGQxODg5ODIyNjQzNzNhNWYwZDQxNWVhMGQyNmUwIiwiaXNzIjoidXJuOmFwcDo3ZTBkMTg4OTgyMjY0MzczYTVmMGQ0MTVlYTBkMjZlMCIsIm9iaiI6W1t7ImhlaWdodCI6Ijw9MTA1MCIsInBhdGgiOiJcL2ZcLzBjYWRkNjhmLWM1Y2YtNGVhMy1hOTY1LTIwYWRkZmEzYjMzZlwvZGJiNWd3Yy0zNjkxOWI4MC0wMDY2LTQyMjgtYTFlNy1iNTRiNTExYjBjMzIucG5nIiwid2lkdGgiOiI8PTEwMDAifV1dLCJhdWQiOlsidXJuOnNlcnZpY2U6aW1hZ2Uub3BlcmF0aW9ucyJdfQ.-1o69SwOEYSAHG7Fqm331bXJETdaVrW7qzVfIzUUTTQ)
![[Villainous] Lick neck](https://images-wixmp-ed30a86b8c4ca887773594c2.wixmp.com/f/0cadd68f-c5cf-4ea3-a965-20addfa3b33f/dbb5gwc-36919b80-0066-4228-a1e7-b54b511b0c32.png/v1/crop/w_92,h_92,x_0,y_1,scl_0.092,q_70,strp/_villainous__lick_neck_by_owosesameowo_dbb5gwc-92s.jpg?token=eyJ0eXAiOiJKV1QiLCJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiJ9.eyJzdWIiOiJ1cm46YXBwOjdlMGQxODg5ODIyNjQzNzNhNWYwZDQxNWVhMGQyNmUwIiwiaXNzIjoidXJuOmFwcDo3ZTBkMTg4OTgyMjY0MzczYTVmMGQ0MTVlYTBkMjZlMCIsIm9iaiI6W1t7ImhlaWdodCI6Ijw9MTA1MCIsInBhdGgiOiJcL2ZcLzBjYWRkNjhmLWM1Y2YtNGVhMy1hOTY1LTIwYWRkZmEzYjMzZlwvZGJiNWd3Yy0zNjkxOWI4MC0wMDY2LTQyMjgtYTFlNy1iNTRiNTExYjBjMzIucG5nIiwid2lkdGgiOiI8PTEwMDAifV1dLCJhdWQiOlsidXJuOnNlcnZpY2U6aW1hZ2Uub3BlcmF0aW9ucyJdfQ.-1o69SwOEYSAHG7Fqm331bXJETdaVrW7qzVfIzUUTTQ)
Inspired by this poem = galacticloud.deviantart.com/ar…
And this one = fridgepoetproject.deviantart.c…
Constructive criticism is appreciated.
And this one = fridgepoetproject.deviantart.c…
Constructive criticism is appreciated.
© 2016 - 2024 ThereallylargeFly
Comments20
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Hey there 
I like the way you express the feelings, you make very good use of comas, and this helps the reader to better understand the message. Using comas, dots and other punctuation marks in order to change the focus and the rhythm and also gives speed to the reader, or slows it down, is one of the 'tricks' to give life to your writing - thing which you have done very good.
You have chosen "free verse' as category labeling, but except 4 rows, they all have rhythm, measure and rhyme, which is not bad at all, but for general readers you must decide which path you chose to write. Sadly, sometimes there are rules in this field too (like in any artistry). I already saw you received a feedback for the pair "But then comes an angel to kiss us gentle / Our omnipotence is then dismantled", which I also agree somehow needs to fit in the pattern you created - at these verses, the reader (which is not native English reader) has to slow the reading, although there is no punctuation mark, because the words you used are too long.
What I would suggest, is to write without thinking, and then review it. You can skip letters or articles from the verses, like 'As babies, we could name allthe stars", and you can add punctuation marks to create the atmosphere you want, and the feeling you want to send 
Good job!
I like the way you express the feelings, you make very good use of comas, and this helps the reader to better understand the message. Using comas, dots and other punctuation marks in order to change the focus and the rhythm and also gives speed to the reader, or slows it down, is one of the 'tricks' to give life to your writing - thing which you have done very good.
You have chosen "free verse' as category labeling, but except 4 rows, they all have rhythm, measure and rhyme, which is not bad at all, but for general readers you must decide which path you chose to write. Sadly, sometimes there are rules in this field too (like in any artistry). I already saw you received a feedback for the pair "But then comes an angel to kiss us gentle / Our omnipotence is then dismantled", which I also agree somehow needs to fit in the pattern you created - at these verses, the reader (which is not native English reader) has to slow the reading, although there is no punctuation mark, because the words you used are too long.
What I would suggest, is to write without thinking, and then review it. You can skip letters or articles from the verses, like 'As babies, we could name all
Good job!